I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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