Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
