Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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