I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
