you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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