what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
The Olympian is in my bed
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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