so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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