Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
