Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
