**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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