dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
