i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize