And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
