Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
