her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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