Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
