Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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