My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
