So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
