I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize