i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
