Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
