Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
