i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
