Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
