No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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