I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Randomize
