i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
