Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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