im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
