Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
