In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
