Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
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