Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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