How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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