you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
