Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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