I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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