I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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