Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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