Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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