i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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