sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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