So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
