Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
no, he came in my armpit
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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