My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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