as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize