New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
