I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
