so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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