At least make sure they are 18
Why
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
