we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
