i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize