Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
