So drunk its hurt
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
