I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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