1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Randomize
