You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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