I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
