I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I want a musical about memes.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
