Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
