So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
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