just come out here and I will go home with you...
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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