dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
