Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
