My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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