U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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