You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
