The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
