u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize