I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
