Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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