I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize