and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
