i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
