I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
