you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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