I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
