Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
