found the other keg... it's in the tree
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
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