For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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