It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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