Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
