dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
so that wasnt chicken after all
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize