Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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