Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
