is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
