Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
