I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
