Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
